I am quite possibly the worst when it comes to socializing. If there is one thing that I've learned during this season of preparing for marriage - it's that I am undoubtedly an introvert. Put me in a room full of people for a lengthy period of time, anxiety strikes, and I panic. Sometimes to the point of tears, but mostly I end up just needing a good nap.
It's one of the reasons I enjoy videography and photography so much. It feels safe. I can hide behind my camera and keep interaction with people to a minimum. Usually doesn't go much further than asking for a smile. I compose my shot, snap a quick photo or a video, and I leave (or run, haha).
I always get so worked up worrying about how other people may perceive me. It's a struggle. But I'm working on it.
That's one of the things that I love about Jesus. He promises freedom from all that. The thoughts that leave me paralyzed in fear. How other people may or may not see me. The anxiety I get in a sea of people. My outward appearance. I do not find my identity in any of that. I was chosen. I am dearly loved. I have been saved and called. I am a part of the true vine. God is in me and I am in Him.
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
Vulnerability is raw. It cuts us deep. And I am diving in head first.
I sit here, typing away and feeling so loved and thankful that Jesus did what he did.
P.S. I have been taking photos for my home church, Church Two42, now for a little over two months and just wanted to share some of my favorites.