butter(fly) on the wall pt. 2

I wrote this post in 2016 when I first started shooting photos for my church, Church Two42. I wasn’t amazing at it at first, given that I was first and foremost a videographer. But God was stirring something in my heart, and I just knew that this place and these people were special. I wanted to capture it all.

When I think about the whole of my life thus far, I can confidently say that the past two years has grown me the most - not only as an artist but as a person. I’m not nearly as anxious as I was being around people and my need for naps has gone down tremendously (even though it’s still very strong) haha. I started opening up more and did my best to stop running away all the time. My photo game leveled up and so did my editing. I worked on being a better communicator and learned to reach out for help. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come. Honestly I didn’t realize it until now but I’m pretty badass (lol).

Anyways life did its thing and things look a little different this year. But I just wanted to share with you all what was and still is a huge chunk of my heart. These people will always be home to me. For realsies.

Enjoy! x

chasing waterfalls in Oregon

This weekend was so special getting to explore Oregon with my best friends. We were only there for about 2 1/2 days, but every day was filled with something fun.

I found this olive hooded coat on clearance at Muji our first night there and wore it everyday. It wasn’t the most sensible choice of outerwear, but I loved it that much. I found a bunch of buttons and fun pins that I ended up pinning to the lapel.

On Saturday we woke up early for a styled elopement shoot, which I will be sharing very soon! I had the opportunity to collaborate with a local florist. She made the bouquet that I’m holding. :)

My sweet models, Destinee and Logan, took us around to see more of the gorge after shooting. Being at the base of Latourell Falls was hands down my favorite part of that entire day. It was all so magical. I honestly wouldn’t have minded standing there and freezing my face off for the rest of the day.

Oregon was channeling major Twilight vibes, am I right?

We walked pretty much everywhere we went (about 20,000 steps on Saturday), and when it was time for a meal we were just about STARVING. Traveling is honestly probably my favorite type of exercise. Also I don’t even remember everywhere we ate, but all of the fries we came across were amazing haha.

We popped in and out of doughnut and coffee shops, including: Voodoo Doughnut, Blue Star and Pip’s.
Voodoo actually wasn’t bad at all, but the locals we came across seemed to have a serious distaste for it. They had giant penis shaped donuts filled with white cream and it was really funny.

These docs were the coolest souvenirs - hands down. There was an entire rack of Dr. Martens at the Crossroads in Nob Hill and a majority of them were brand new! While checking out, one of the workers told me that a lady who works for Dr. Martens donated all of these new or gently used. Plus we were in the City of Roses - so it was definitely meant to be! ;)

I discovered the Enneagram earlier this month at a ladies’ photography retreat. I’ve heard about it here and there, but never felt any desire to pursue it further. I’ve always likened it to the horoscope or zodiac, and I literally cannot stand when people talk about those two things haha. Anyways, we all ended up taking it that night and I was actually floored by how deeply the questions were affecting me. I still have my reservations towards it, but it’s nice to be better informed on who I am and my natural tendencies.

I found out that I’m a type 6. Naturally I started to worry that my type was the worst type haha. You can read more about it here or even take the test for yourself, but one of the things that stood out to me most about being a type 6 was not being able to trust others or even myself easily. From second guessing my decisions to taking extreme measures before warming up to people.

All that to say that I am extremely thankful for these women. They know my heart and I can confidently go to them with anything and feel safe.

Fun fact: while posing for this photo, Eriza accidentally placed her hand on Jamille’s butt. I wish it wasn’t blurry, but it was a special moment haha

a list of things inspiring me at the moment

"What a time to be alive, man. Being represented like crazy right now."

Bok Bok Bitch Constance Wu GIF from Bokbokbitch GIFs

*simply a list of things inspiring me at the moment

✖️ Ariana Grande's Sweetener album. Ariana Grande is just living her best life right now and I adore her. Obviously "God is a woman" is untouchable. But a couple of my favorite songs on this album are: "R.E.M." and "sweetener". I loved her cover of Imogen Heap's "Goodnight and Go" and "pete davidson" is the cutest track ever. Also she sounded like an actual angel in "raindrops (an angel cried)". And can we please talk about the music video for "God is a woman"? HOW IS SHE REAL?

✖️ Artist and body painter, Alexa Meade. Need I say more?

✖️ Crazy Rich Asians. This world needs more rom-coms nowadays and this one was exceptional. It's such an incredible thing to relate to a story on the big screen. I made my way to Target as soon as it opened the next day and bought the book. I fell in love with the characters and I wanted to know more. Also the wedding scene took my breath away and the mahjong scene was LEGENDARY.

✖️ To All the Boys I've Loved Before. Another spectacular rom-com on Netflix. Seriously there's a rom-com revival happening and I am here for it. This movie surprised me. The color palette, the cinematography... Just watch it. It'll give you all the feels. This world needs more uplifting films like this one.

"Romantic comedies do really well when times are tough. You want to escape and times are pretty tough right now. It’s a pretty crazy world every day in the news, and it doesn’t matter what generation you’re from. We’re bombarded 24/7 with negativity and the beauty and joy and hopefulness of Jenny’s writing is such a welcomed change that it caught people by surprise."
-Susan Johnson, Director of TAtBILB

*Also me the entire movie...

via GIPHY

✖️ Harry Styles' self-titled album and tour. My best friends bought me tickets to the final show of his tour and I could not have been more grateful. This show was inspiring for me in so many ways. I've honestly been in this weird limbo with my art. I just want to create stuff without overthinking it too much. I don't know for sure, but I feel like that's how Harry Styles is. He just makes whatever the hell he loves and he executes it so well. He stays true to who he is. His outfit choices are bold and daring. That's how I want to be. I love every single song on this album. I also directed and photographed a Harry Styles inspired shoot with my friend Georgette, which will be hitting the site SOON. I'm very happy with how the images turned out. Also Helene Pambrun (his photographer on tour) is insanely talented.

Image credit: Helene Pambrun

✖️ Millennial pink. You see it everywhere nowadays. Cafes, social media, movies... Millennial pink is here to stay. It's so insane how powerful and moving colors can be. 

"[I]t's ironic pink, pink without the sugary prettiness. It's a non-color that doesn't commit."
-Veronique Hyland of The Cut

"Millennial pink, whether pale or desaturated or salmon-y, is a kind of non-pink pink, an aesthetic distillation of the ideals of contemporary feminism: unabashedly female, but removed from the constraining associations of the past" 
-Nancy Mitchell, apartmenttherapy.com

What's inspiring you lately?

(images found on Pinterest, Google and Youtube)

life lately, from my iphone

Hi world. Here are some photos I found on my phone. Some from earlier this year even. Life's speeding by at a roaring pace and this song is making me nostalgic. I would include photos from even earlier this year, but Derek and I switched phone carriers and I lost quite a lot of them in the process. I'm thinking of making this a monthly thing... maybe. We'll see. 

I'm desperate to start printing photos out. I finally hung up an art piece I asked a good friend to make of Derek and I on our wedding day. Obsessed. His name is Derek Ortega and you can find his Instagram by clicking here. We have a lot of talented friends. Another friend, Will Hawkins, has been producing music and he's extremely gifted. You can find his Instagram here. He and my husband (they're BFFs) have been making music together and it's awesome. 

THE RUNDOWN

✖️ I feel like I'm running a tad on empty these days.

✖️ I started watching This is Us and this show is literally a godsend. I AM OBSESSED. 

✖️ Target's Dollar Spot had fake eucalyptus branches and I almost lost my cool.

✖️ I am confident that a chocolate Wendy's frosty has an almost healing effect.

✖️ I really like balsamic vinegar. I think I would like for my last meal on earth to have balsamic vinegar incorporated into it in some way.

✖️I started working for the State Fire Department

I guess I'll let the photos speak for now (in no particular order)...

- Abigail

our first married Christmas

My heart feels so full from this holiday weekend. I don't even know where to begin. The only photos I have to share are from the twenty minutes it took to get a cute "first Christmas" photo of Derek and I. And now commence the word vomit:

I literally couldn't breathe the week leading up to Christmas. My nose decided it was the perfect time to get congested. I was bummed because I didn't want the skin around my nose to get dry and flaky, AND I couldn't taste food (so heartbroken, haha). I watched an unhealthy and undesirable amount of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix to cope. On Saturday our church held our annual Christmas Eve candlelight service which was so fun. Tasha, Justin and Riley led worship and their three-part harmonies were FIRE. 

On Sunday we were back at it again at church for our Christmas service. It was so fun being surrounded by my family. After church we had lunch at Kabuki with my mom, and she gifted me with the most amazing gift ever: a Le Creuset round dutch oven, a spatula and potholders. After lunch we zoomed over to Yucaipa to spend Christmas with more family. Derek and I stopped at Vons to pick up some dinner rolls on the way there. We had three different soups: enchilada, chicken noodle and chili with cornbread. Our sister, Valarie, made yummy swedish meatballs too. Soup is basically my favorite thing ever, so it was perfect. 

My mom and brother ended up joining in on the festivities too. Every single person in Derek's family has such a disarming personality. They are so loving. My husband's probably the sweetest and most caring person I know. Later we opened gifts and as it turns out - my mother in law got me a dutch oven too HAHA. Guess both of my moms think alike. ;) 

The kids were running around with their new toys, I was eating all the desserts, our grandma read a devotional and wrote all the grandchildren sweet letters that we read aloud, and the whole family sang karaoke to finish off the night. 

The dutch oven my mom gifted me was in the classic cerise (bright red) Le Creuset color. The next day we went to Williams Sonoma because I really wanted it in either caribbean (turquoise) or marseille (royal blue). Instead of exchanging it, my mom decided to keep the Le Creuset for herself and I ended up getting an oval Staub oven instead. The lady sold us on the self-basting lid. But seriously though, it is SO beautiful. It's in this classy, deep red wine color. I'm literally obsessed. You'll probably see photos of it at some point. 

To break it in, I made dakdoritang. It's a Korean dish: spicy braised chicken stew. SO GOOD and it's really easy to make. You basically throw all the ingredients into a pot, bring it to a boil and let it sit for about an hour. Though I added way too much gochujang and my nose tends to run when I eat spicy or hot food. All I can say was that it was worth it. I invited a couple of my friends to enjoy some with me. I think that's my favorite part about cooking - feeding loved ones. :) I'm usually always way too lazy to cook for myself, much less take care of myself... but there's no real way to describe the satisfaction that comes with feeding others. I should really cook more and have endless dinner parties. TURN uPPP

I don't believe I had much direction with this entry, but long story short... I love my husband and our little life together. Plus he's really handsome, looks cute in baseball caps, gives the best cuddles and loves me so well. It was a great "first married Christmas". 

butter(fly) on the wall

I am quite possibly the worst when it comes to socializing. If there is one thing that I've learned during this season of preparing for marriage - it's that I am undoubtedly an introvert. Put me in a room full of people for a lengthy period of time, anxiety strikes, and I panic. Sometimes to the point of tears, but mostly I end up just needing a good nap. 

It's one of the reasons I enjoy videography and photography so much. It feels safe. I can hide behind my camera and keep interaction with people to a minimum. Usually doesn't go much further than asking for a smile. I compose my shot, snap a quick photo or a video, and I leave (or run, haha). 

I always get so worked up worrying about how other people may perceive me. It's a struggle. But I'm working on it. 

That's one of the things that I love about Jesus. He promises freedom from all that. The thoughts that leave me paralyzed in fear. How other people may or may not see me. The anxiety I get in a sea of people. My outward appearance. I do not find my identity in any of that. I was chosen. I am dearly loved. I have been saved and called. I am a part of the true vine. God is in me and I am in Him. 

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

Vulnerability is raw. It cuts us deep. And I am diving in head first.

I sit here, typing away and feeling so loved and thankful that Jesus did what he did. 

P.S. I have been taking photos for my home church, Church Two42, now for a little over two months and just wanted to share some of my favorites.

senior shoot // Meg

My best girlfriends and I headed out to San Diego, CA for the day to take Meg's senior portraits. We quickly reminisced over our brief encounter with One Direction a few months earlier.
(James Corden's Carpool Karaoke had me squealing, haha!) 
Well, without further ado...

I told Meg her outfit reminded me of that one guy from the Breakfast Club. This pose was obviously necessary.

Hey cutie. ;)

That's all for now!

adventures in Joshua Tree //

(Currently watching Young the Giant's Behind the Scenes footage of their Joshua Tree Sessions while I type this up)
A friend from work had a National Parks annual pass, so we figured we would try and take on Joshua Tree!
With the annual pass you can sign in up to three people and one vehicle. The daily admission prices are pretty steep, but the pass ultimately pays for itself. 
Way more worth it than those horrendous Disney parks prices.

It was a pretty hectic trek. 
We began the day by getting lost for about an hour just trying to find the entrance to the park.
(Apple Maps users beware)
But once we got everything settled, we hit the ground running! 
It was such a joy to hang out with my #basicfishes.

Fact: I get so awkward in front of cameras.
Usually I stick my tongue out, because it's easier than smiling. HA!

We took turns climbing Joshua's trees.

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Diana reminds me of Ariana Grande, lol.

We were pretty bummed that we didn't make it to the gift shop in time.
I really wanted a hat.

Goodnight, Joshua Tree.